brightened me up
Bee just sent me a text:
“i love you. please try an remember that. remember that even tho im terrified of raising kids and life n shit i cant wait to knock you up and have a family with you and live your dream. 
i love you..”
Aww… *tear*
How am I ever going to meditate in this state?
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bittersweet
So a couple weeks ago I asked my mom to send me the money my grandma had given me for my birthday and for the holidays. I asked my mom how much it was, and after thinking about it for a moment, she said $100. Which I could use to pay off my credit card. It would take a while for our accounts to link, but I got that going so I could transfer the money.
In the meantime, my dad told me they had planned to get me a bed for Christmas (like the frame, head and footboard, I have a mattress and box already but that’s about it). I figured it was a good idea even though I’m moving out in a year or less, since my room should still look welcoming and not ghetto (it’s bad enough the rest of my furniture is hand-me-downs, like Bryan’s desk from when he was a kid that I repainted). They told me that they couldn’t decide on a bed that I would like, so they told me to find some online.
So I said, hey I was just at Costco and they had one there and it was pretty cheap, how about we just do that? It’s simple enough and I like it enough, and it’s Costco so it’s probably good. My mom looked at it and said that it seemed good quality and to get it. It was actually quite cheap, less than $300, and retailed for over $500 at other places. Great!
Trouble was we didn’t have a truck because my dad is working in Denver, so I had to take Mike and his Tacoma with me to Costco. We went, picked up the box next to the bed and came home. Turns out there were two boxes, but they weren’t marked “1 of 2″ or anything like that. And they didn’t catch it at the register or at the door (which is what they’re supposed to be checking for when they mark your receipt). So my mom and my dad had a good laugh at my expense, saying that I lacked common sense and “street smarts.” Fine, I can laugh at myself. I’ve never bought a bed before and now I know.
So poor Mike went to Costco and picked up the other box, and dropped it off at my house after work last weekend. It isn’t that convenient, as I live 25 miles outside of town. I finally had a bed, for the first time in my adult life!
Today, my mom asks if I linked her bank account, and I told her I needed the two small deposits, which she gave me. Then she told me not to transfer the $100 because part of it went towards the bed. I said that’s lame, and she said it wasn’t. So for Christmas I got 2/3rds of a bed, some perfume, and an iPod charger for my car. Oh and a laptop thing to use my laptop when I sit in bed, seeing as how I don’t have a functional desk to study at. I told her that she and dad said that the bed was my Christmas gift, which she said that she already got me Christmas gifts. I told her that if I had known that I was going to buy the bed, I would’ve not gotten it all. She said, fine. Take it back then.
When she knows damn well I can’t take it back. What am I going to do, drag it behind my car 25 miles?
I think this is manipulative, selfish, and very rude of her. I have a very shitty feeling inside me because of this.
The part that pisses me off most is that she always talks shit about people who take gifted money that was supposed to be given to their kids from a relative for themselves. And yet, look who is doing it now.
Yeah, I appreciate paying for my tuition and my (falling apart) car. I appreciate having a house and food. What I don’t appreciate is this vindictive hoarding of money as if I don’t make 10% of what they make. It takes me about 7 hours to earn $100. Takes them about an hour, maybe 2. What I don’t need is my intelligence being insulted. What I don’t need is being told how I owe them, when I never asked them to pay for anything. I could’ve gotten loans like anyone else. What I don’t need is them completely disregarding my need to pay for things, like Kung Fu, gifts for others, lunches some days, school supplies, clothing. What I don’t need is them acting like I don’t hold back almost every day, out of respect for them.
Yeah, you bet your ass I’m getting some loans for when I’m on rotation. Paying for my tuition and my gas will do me a fat load of good when I’m working 50 hours a week for free.
In other news, we did a guided meditation in Qigong today about children. We meditated on a child we know guiding us in our inner consciousness. I thought of my cousin Sydney, who is probably the only reason I have any maternal instinct at all. When she was a baby, she was the first and only baby to look at me and smile. She is a “tween” now and turning out to be a really incredible little lady. In my meditation, she taught me to smile. She taught me to love getting dirty and feeling the Earth, to have compassion for dirt because it gives life and it is often overlooked. She taught me that you can move past the prophecies others have established for you – you are nobody’s prophecy but your own. She taught me that children are their own people, even despite how they are raised. She taught me not to have expectations of my own future children, because they may turn out different, for better or for worse. That girl smiles so much I could cry.
I wish I could spend more time with her.
Also, according to the Chinese zodiac, I am a fire tiger. Which apparently means I am independent, unconventional, and optimistic. It says I am a good leader and warm, which I am not, but I’ll blame my submission and coldness on my upbringing. I am going to need some therapy to get rid of this.
Filed under: Buddhism, kvetching, parenting, people | Leave a Comment
amazing wedding dress find
I got this in my Google Reader, and I had to find this dress:
How stunning!! It’s actually Lazaro LZ3819, from Spring 08, so by the time I get married it may not even exist anywhere. Plus it’s apparently like $7,000. But you can get that matching veil, which is really nice. I don’t know if you can get a pre-made dress hand-embroidered, but the concept is perfect. EDIT : Does anyone know if this is possible? Or do they have to embroider the material first and then make the dress?
Here it is from Lazaro’s website for comparison:
Drool…
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heart-shaped measuring spoons
When me and Bryan were in a coffee shop Colorado (ahem, free wifi), he found these really pretty engraved metal measuring spoons. It would be too expensive to give those to all our wedding guests, unless we had a ridiculously small wedding and had more money than we knew what to do with, but I think it would be a good idea. Especially considering we’re foodies, he especially. Food snobs, really. And I think it’s something that’s practical.
"Love Beyond Measure" Favors
They’re engraved with cliché love-themed phrases, like “a dash of tenderness,” or “a pinch of joy,” on one side, and the actual measurements on the other side. There is also a set with this and a whisk with a metal heart in the middle of it, that might also be cute. The only thing is that box would probably have to go. If only I could find these in bulk without the boxes!!
Another thing I found was this modern cake “stand”. The cake is very sleek and simple (it also has succulents on it), but that stand is so pretty. It also has a modern art museum sort of feel to it, and I think that really goes great with us as a couple. And the fact that its so museum-y and contemporary, yet it works outdoors, would be absolutely perfect.
Modern cake stand
Okay I am up way too late blogging. Shower, meditate, then bed! Jeez.
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interpretation of risk and pain
I was talking with my friend about homebirth and how the studies show that in low-risk pregnancies it is has no worse outcomes (slightly better in some cases, but neutral in others) than hospital birth. And she gave me a good analogy, that is that a study could say that its safer to go running at night statistically but she would still feel it’s safer during the day. I think its interesting, because as a scientist, I am very keen on numbers and studied and hard evidence. But I understand that mentality, and its curious to me because I know that this is the whole perceived risk versus actual risk thing that most people kind of mix up, I guess. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I don’t really care how anyone chooses to live their life, but I strive to know the truth. I do mind when people state something as fact when it is their opinion. Like “it is safer to jog during the day,” when studies show that it’s not. Even if it’s counterintuitive, that’s the kind of attitude that can have severe repercussions.
Another conversation I had was with Bryan about how Gisele Bündchen had pain-free homebirth recently, and how some people online couldn’t believe that was possible. And my response to that is this:
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
And I had a bit of a revelation. I was thinking about how in conditioning class, we were doing splits where you were being suspended by the other people in the class. So its like doing the splits, except you are in less control. It’s like if you’re stretching and someone comes along and pushes you beyond where you are comfortable, or beyond what you think your limits are. I felt like my body just might break in half. But it wasn’t a bad feeling. I was thinking about how I read an article about how fighters are conditioned to know that there are two kinds of pain, one that occurs as a warning from your body, and another from your body to say that you are injured. And you can’t be a good fighter if you wimp out at the first pain, but you can’t be a good fighter if you don’t know when to stop, that is at the second type of pain.
And I was thinking about how that is the whole mantra of life. Life is always pain, but we don’t always have to suffer. Something challenging happens to us, and we can choose to feel bad for ourselves and whine about it, or we can choose to be strong and carry on because of it. Like the splits, it hurt, for sure. But I didn’t complain. I didn’t even dislike it. I knew that tomorrow, I would be closer to doing the splits on my own because of it. I knew that I would be stronger because of it.
Then I realized how many women who go through natural childbirth describe it as a feeling that your body is ripping into two. And that used to really freak me out, but now I realize that I have (to a lesser degree surely) experienced that, and it isn’t actually as bad as it sounds.
I think that how people choose to interpret challenges in life can divide them up into roughly two groups at any given time. Those who choose to be victims of their lives, and those who choose to be warriors.
And with that, I think I’m going to meditate on emptiness. I meditated last night for the first time, and it was pretty interesting. I am late tonight, so I should get on that. But it was so lovely just emptying my mind, and listening to the world. I felt like I was aware of the Earth spinning on its axis, although I think that’s just the spinning sensation that I had gotten when I started guided meditations years back. I doubt its possible to feel the Earth spin.
But anyways, I was breathing very deeply and kind of loud, as well as sitting motionless in the dark, seated on the ground. It must’ve worried Charlie, because he woke up and licked my face and hands. It made me smile, and I couldn’t help it.
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one more thing
So apparently I am a trend-setter (more like trend-predictor but whatever), and now succulents are the like ZOMG COOLEST WEDDING THEME EVAR. I am seeing succulents in weddings everywhere, and then I saw essentially exactly what I wanted to use for favors:
Succulent Favors/Placecards
They even had succulents in the bouquet and boutonnières. They even even had the wedding at The Smog Shoppe. And not only did I get this wedding on my Reader, but another wedding, whose florals consisted primarily of succulents, ALSO at The Smog Shoppe (which is a lovely venue in SoCal that has succulents featured all over).
Needless to say, I’m over the succulent thing. I still like succulents, and would like to incorporate the look, but maybe in a way that’s more subtle and creative.
Like something with more of this flair:
Airplants. Succulents in strange colors. Utilizing other strange textures. Utilizing glass. Those last three are actually from a garden/coffee shop in San Francisco called Flora Grubb Gardens. Look it that. It’s like LA, except with genuine creativity, culture, and evolution. Can’t wait to visit.
I also like these flowers:
See where I’m going with this? There are words for it, but I can’t think of them. Soft but intense colors. Felted textures. Surreal and otherworldly.
On to dresses than I fancy lately.
I love the airy, flowy feel of the skirt there. The silhouette is also up my alley, except for the big floral thing. That’s weird.
I definitely wouldn’t say I like this dress literally, especially the sheer top, but I like a lot of ideas behind it. I like the unique bottom of it. I kind of like how it looks like a coral reef. I love the color. It’s interesting, the designer is from the same art school Bryan went to in Chicago.
That last one is just for fun. Bryan like it, and I like the colors and textures, but the silhouette is a little too “look at meee!” and I hate crystals in dresses, least of all wedding dresses. I think it looks tacky no matter what. But I am really feeling that whole sea slug wing thing. That is very cool.
I think all this is just going to have to be custom. I think I’m going to hire a wedding planner, when the time comes, too.
So new ideas for favors, that actually mean something to me:
An ode to our desert heritage perhaps? The thing with this, is it can only be given to people not flying to our wedding, as it would be very delicate. Unless we made them as kits, and wrapped up the cacti. But most people would be traveling to the wedding, so it might not be a good idea.
Tea with wedding puns attached? We do love tea, but I feel like a lot of couples do this. I feel like it’s only cool if the couple makes/mixes their own custom tea, and who does that?
This is rosemary salt. I like this because we are big foodies, and Bryan loves cooking. Hmm…
Bird seeds, pretty cute. Doesn’t mean much to me though.
Planting seeds. Good for the earth. Reminder of the wedding? I like the idea of using origami, but I don’t know. Nothing yet really means something to both me and Bryan, and is small, unique, cheapish, and make a portable favor for many guests.
Any ideas from out in the world?
I need to pass out. I hope you enjoy the photos I have collected! :]
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Hi again. I was gone for a while. We went to Colorado, stuff happened, libido returned (don’t think I’ll ever use birth control pills ever. again.), snowboarding happened, it didn’t snow once, I snowboarded the backside of the mountain. Camilo dropped his cell phone trying to record videos, it was buried in the backcountry at Wolf Creek, Bryan miraculously recovered it. It was pretty funny/amazing. I am glad, because if I lost my cell phone, I would die. I am in a decent amount of debt right now and not getting many hours at work. I’ll pay it off within a few months, and I’m learning to be very frugal, which is handy right before my rotations start, but I can’t afford a phone at the moment. So no iPhone for a minute. Le sigh. Anyways, I look forward to canceling my cards and getting a semi-decent interest rate <15%, considering I do nothing but pay off my full balance every month until these next couple months (when I will pay well over the minimum). I earned it, and I’m sick of my credit cards screwing me.
Anyways.
School started. I’m trying really hard to do well this semester. I really want As in all my classes (18 credits this semester). I really want to score that residency at Lucile Packard. I really think that residency would be amazing. It’s a perk that it pays $52k for the year, but I wouldn’t even care if they charged me that at this point. I would pay it. The thought of a pediatric residency is so delicious and amazing, it makes me drool. Let me try to share a brief description:
Program Structure
Our philosophy of residency training is to offer practical experiences in diverse, multidisciplinary environments that span the continuum of pharmaceutical care. Our approach in the provision of pharmaceutical care is to provide comprehensive, patient-oriented services. …
The practice model integrates distribution and clinical activities at the patient care level, and is supported by centralized drug distribution, support functions and management systems.
Clinical staff pharmacists cover all acute patient care areas, including Bone Marrow Transplant, Cardiology, Critical Care, General Surgery, Internal Medicine, Labor and Delivery, Maternity, Hematology/Oncology, Psychiatry and Solid Organ Transplant.
Residents contribute to many clinical activities, including collection of data for Drug Utilization Evaluations (DUEs), in-services to the staff during their clinical rotations, and inpatient medication teaching to patients. …
Residency Rotations
Required
- General Pediatrics
- Neonatal Intensive Care
- Pediatric Intensive Care
- Cardiovascular Intensive Care
- Solid Organ Transplant
- Bone Marrow Transplant/Hematology
- Administration/Management
- Drug Information
- Nutrition Support (Longitudinal)
Electives
- Obstetrics/Anesthesia
- Home Infusion
- Infectious Disease
- Outpatient
- Emergency Room
- Operating Room
Doesn’t that just sound like HEAVEN?! It does to me!!! Anyways, I need to try REALLY hard to get into this.
Which brings me to my next point. Rotations for my 4th (pre-graduation, pre-residency) may include:
• Nuclear pharmacy in the Bay Area
• Psychopharmacoloy in Las Vegas, NM
• Supposedly good rotation in Eugene, OR (HI ANNETTE!! AND HENRY AND MAX!!)
• Pediatric oncology
• NICU at hospital in ABQ
• Drug Information
• Administration (required but pretty lame, who knows where I’ll get that)
• Women’s hospital
• Pulmonary pediatrics
Yay! Kind of hectic planning all this though. Bryan doesn’t know when he’ll be in the Bay, but we’re hoping he’ll move there in August. We already know a few people who might be looking for roommates around this time, including his cousin and this really amazing girl Jen who would basically be the coolest roommate on the planet. I’m going to not try to get my hopes up, but it seriously would be pretty badass. I wouldn’t mind his cousin too, she’s probably one of the few people on the planet I can stand to live with. I am a very picky roommate, and honestly, I have no business being so.
And the prospect of getting married in San Francisco is so phenomenal and open to possibility, it is overwhelming. Seriously, living in the Bay would be a dream come true. I mean, really. That city has everything I’d ever want. It would be the perfect city to live in, live with Bryan in, get married in, eat out in, shop in, work in, go on adventures in, have a family in, ride the train in, etc. It just all seems so perfect. And it’s all so close, and yet also seems so very far away. I know it isn’t, but that’s part of why it seems so far away. It is too good to be true that I’m almost done. That I’m almost graduated. That I know where I would like to live and do a residency. That the 5 years of living apart is nearing completion. That I’m on my last semester of classes and desks and lectures and exams. Ever. Forevermore.
Okay, what else is new. How about an update on using the fertility awareness method / natural family planning. You were warned. :]
Almost an entire cycle of fertility awareness has elapsed while I was with Bryan, and so far appears to be very successful. My chart this month has been so very beautiful and clear. Very lovely ovulation dip, lasting for a few days, with a very clear ovulation temperature shift. No weird shifts in between. The only annoying part of this cycle has been from using VCF in addition to condoms while I am fertile. They appear to work by disturbing proteins, which has the side effect of scrambling fertile fluids, making them not only very weird for days, but also difficult to interpret. So they’re probably good for people not using fertility awareness, but it only reinforced my recent affirmation that I no longer should put synthetic chemicals into a body system that is functioning perfectly healthily. No more of using that stuff for me. Hopefully the condoms alone will not fail us. I may consider looking into alternative spermicides, made of natural ingredients, but I am hesitant. Perhaps this will mean abstaining for the 3 days that I am most fertile, if I am able to predict that. In the meantime, being in separate states should be enough of a back-up, statistically speaking.
I also really have been into artichokes lately. Did you know artichokes help to lower cholesterol? They are also rich in potassium and magnesium, which is great when restarting Kung Fu, and potentially being very crampy (due to muscle atrophy and the womanly cycle). I made this recipe of artichoke heart pasta, and been bringing to school/work for lunch this week (in an effort to not purchase food until I am debt-free).
Tasty and good for you!
Artichoke Hearts Pasta
3 tbsp. olive oil
1 med. onion or 1/2 Costco onion – chopped
2 cloves garlic – chopped finely
1 can artichoke hearts (roughly a dozen) in water, drained
1 (14 oz.) can diced tomatoes
1/4 c. white wine
1/8 tsp. crushed red pepper
1 tsp. sugar
1 tbsp. basil
1 lb. pasta
1 (14 oz.) can tomato sauce
1/4 c. Parmesan cheese
Saute onion in olive oil, then add garlic to finish sauté. Add chopped artichoke hearts and sauté 10 minutes on low heat. Raise heat, add tomatoes, pepper, sugar, basil, wine and bring to simmer and cook for 35 minutes on low simmer. Prepare pasta as directed. Mix with pasta – may need to add some tomato sauce to thicken (needed a whole can for radiatori/screw-driver pasta), and sprinkle parmesan. Serves 4.
Kung Fu has been great. My heart rate today was 63, which I mostly attribute to Kung Fu. Things I resolve to do more:
• Exercise, including utilizing the elliptical my parents got, as well as running. Charlie also needs exercise pretty badly.
• Paint. Setting up my easel is on my to-do list, and I should do that more than I internet.
• Speaking of which, less interneting needs to be done. It is not productive, and I hate the thought that I am addicted. And I know I am.
• Meditate. This is important.
• Stay organized. Bryan, the Most Amazing and Incredible Man on Planet Earth, came out here, and someone organized my entire room and closet. It was NO EASY FEAT. I can’t even wrap my mind around why he did it. But it took such a load off me because now I will have less mess to try to have to move halfway across the country someday. I owe it to him to STAY ORGANIZED NO MATTER WHAT.
Five is a good number of things.
Alright, if you still read this blog, you probably stopped reading at this point. I should resolve to post more often, but in smaller bursts.
Time to change the calendar to February!!
Filed under: Kung Fu, Wedding, exercise, womanly bits | Leave a Comment
i’m a bad blogger
I haven’t posted in a long time. I’ve been busy. And next week is finals week. So I may not post for a while. Or maybe I will. Because I’m also a bad student. Gooo me.
I bought these online today:
Skullcrusher Chakra Goggles
Okay fine, I’ll post for real.
I hate Arizona. For several reasons. Firstly, I know some people who were literally thrown in jail for having about 1.5 grams of weed on them. While yes they were doing something illegal, the NV cops (the closest jail was in NV) were like “are you serious? that’s a crime?” I found out later that Arizonans have repeatedly tried to decriminalize marijuana but politicians keep overturning them on technicalities, I guess to keep the squeaky white clean state the way it is. Then whenever weather happens, the solution in Arizona is to close the I-40 (essentially the only freeway that connects AZ to NM and CA). Oh and they also do not utilize signs to warn drivers of closures so that they get off and use alternative routes prior to the closed area.
So Bryan drives to ABQ from Vegas, and there’s a sandstorm. Solution? Close the freeway. I had to miss class staying on the phone with him guiding him through backroads.
Yeah so my story. We leave Vegas at about 5PM. We heard there was snowstorms through Flagstaff, so we checked repeatedly and RIGHT before leaving for closures. Nothing. And we get to 10 miles before Seligman, AZ (where that little grey line meets the blue line on the I-40 before Williams on the map), and the freeway is dead stopped. We finally get someone on a cell phone to find a traffic 1-800 number. I-40 closed until 2AM, and sure enough, we sit on the freeway without even so much as a cross-over. I suggest we go back to Vegas, but nobody listens. So we get through, chugging along, 12 hours after leaving Vegas we get past the Petrified National Park on the East side of the I-40 and get pulled over for going 10 over. There were 4 of us, and one of them had driven most of the way (it was his parent’s car which was safer and more comfortable for winter driving than his Tacoma), so they switched drivers to a friend of ours. Anyways, cop comes back to issue him a ticket, and inform him that he is driving on a suspended license (he didn’t know he was suspended, otherwise he obviously would’ve had one of the other THREE people in the car drive). And that the cop informs us that they must tow the car and will drop us off at the nearest exit. We end up having to pay the tow-truck driver’s wife $110 to drive us 50 miles to Gallup, where we met my mom and she drove us the rest of the way. 20 hours later, we arrived.
It reminded me of the time Bryan and I rode the Greyhound to Vegas and it took us 24 hours. We missed our transfer in Flagstaff, so they told us that the next bus was going to Vegas and to get on that. It was going to Vegas, but not before going to Phoenix first and then BACK to Flagstaff. It was infuriating.
So here is the route we usually take to get to Colorado from Vegas:
View Larger Map
And now that I am boycotting as much of Arizona as is physically possible, he is the new route we will be taking:
View Larger Map
So there you have it.
Also, here are some pictures I have added lately.
Snowflake Cookies
I love snowflakes!
Stunning wedding venue, The Smog Shoppe, in LA
Charlie loves to lay in the hay
I think this is a really cute E-ring
Check out little Merletto! He doesn't look it here, but he's getting big. I love how he's getting green around those saddles, and that yellow dot on his nose is adorable.
This is the beautiful Bardessono hotel in Napa. I would love to stay there, but it's expensive! Hopefully some day. It's like $500+ a night! Yikes.
I got that dress online, and will be wearing it to the Masquerade Ball in January. It has a surprise hidden slit that goes WAY high! It'll be fun, though.
I'll wear it with this, perhaps.
Yeah that was in no particular order, sorry!
But anyways, while I was at Vegas, I visited some residency programs (many in Cali since I am tentatively planning to live there), and found a children’s hospital at Stanford that I think I want to do a residency at. I mean, I’ll take whatever I can get, but it would be nice if I end up liking peds, to work at a children’s hospital.
Okay, I really should study. Got an exam tomorrow that I really haven’t studied for much yet. Onwards!
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unsolicited compliments?
Before I forget, a couple updates. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.
Loving Kung Fu. But since I got back from Vegas on fall break, I had been feeling sort of sick. I was stuffy and such, but didn’t really feel sick or achy or anything. It persisted for weeks. Finally it went from upper respiratory down into my lungs, and I wasn’t sure if I had the pig flu, so I didn’t go to Kung Fu last week (turns out its a sinus infection which I successfully self-medicated with antibiotics I had laying around, since the doc didn’t prescribe anything, as they’re usually viral). It sucked not going to Kung Fu. And I couldn’t donate blood either. And I lost at least five pounds (from not having an appetite? losing muscle mass? who knows). I also haven’t ran in like three weeks, so that’s lame too. But now I’m getting back into the groove.
I am starting on my third cycle since being off the pill. My last cycle was very good, distinct, and starting to shorten to 29 days. My period only lasted two days, was sort of heavy for one day, and then it was done. That kind of worries me cause it’s almost the same amount of bleeding that would occur with implantation bleeding. But it does seem to be a little more than that, and the timing is consistent with regular menses, so I probably don’t need to be concerned.
I am very shocked that my periods seem to be shorter than they were on birth control. Now if only my face would clear up (it’s about the same as it was on the pill), I would basically have all the benefits that I was supposed to have while on the pill. It’s strange. I wonder if I am still retaining the hormones from it. Not sure. I am excited to see what the next few cycles look like, and I’ve started on Fertility Friend, too. Considering everything, I am really glad I’m not on the pill anymore. So far.
The reason I came on here was to talk about people when you mention elective surgery. Now I know I’m guilty of judging people who get C-sections and other elective surgery, but I want some myself.
It got brought up in a conversation, and I posted this picture I had photoshopped awhile ago of my photo that I submitted with my pharmacy school app of how I wanted my nose to look after I got rhinoplasty surgery.
The offending image
Nobody who saw the pictures knows how serious I am about rhinoplasty. For all they know, I maybe was bored one day and decided to play on photoshop. Or maybe I plan to go in for it next week. They don’t know. But inevitably, I get comments like “Don’t do it, your nose is perfect!” or “Why do you want to look like everyone else?”
Okay so the thing is, I started wearing glasses right before I hit puberty. I grew up very fast. I pretty much have looked the same since 5th grade. As a result of my very fast bone growth, the end of the bone (where in connects to the cartilage in your nose, below the bridge) actually flared out a little bit more than it was supposed to. Consequently, my nose looks a bit different from most people in my family. Also, I seem to have some structural problems, it is prone to getting congested and I have never once been able to blow my nose like a normal person. This means that I could get a rhinoplasty for cheap, and also be able to breathe better. It’s pretty standard for a nose doctor to offer “shaping” if you go in for a nose surgery. My aunt got it and declined.
So no, my nose isn’t perfect, I am a human and no part of my is perfect anyways. I am not trying to make it perfect. If I wanted to be perfect, my “after” nose would resemble Keira Knightley’s or anyone else in Hollywood. I don’t want a little stick nose. I think that the “after” nose looks nothing like anyone else’s nose either. I think it in fact looks very similar to my nose today.
I think from an aesthetic perspective, it’s very hard to debate the fact that the “after” face looks much more harmonious overall. That nose just fits so much better with my other features. It softens my eyebrows, and the “lines” of my facial structure flow much more smoothly.
I guess my point is, do people feel like if they don’t discourage me from getting surgery, they are doing me a favor? Like women who naturally have big breasts and they tell flat women “oh honey, you DON’T want big boobs!” How do you know what would make me more comfortable? Why is it okay to judge a woman who wants bigger boobs, but not okay to judge a woman who elects for breast reduction? Do we assume that every person who wants elective surgery is trying to look like an actor in Hollywood?
Why is it wrong to do what it takes to be more comfortable in your body? Why is it wrong to want to be more confident and in love with yourself?
Filed under: Kung Fu, exercise, kvetching, people, womanly bits | 2 Comments
turbo post
I’m in class and should be paying more attention but I haven’t posted in a while, I’m busy, I’m sickish, and I have a break coming up. So I’m going to take my vitamins and write something about risk interpretation. Fascinating, I know.
So we’re talking about antibiotic regimens for bacterial meningitis. We haven’t yet done our vaccine lecture block, but my teacher briefly mentions that meningitis is relatively common in freshman dorm students because of close contact, hygiene, etc. so that’s why the vaccine is recommended. And a girl in my class asks why they put latex in the meningitis vaccine. It’s actually just the latex in the stopper of the vial that houses the vaccine, but since latex reactions can be so severe, its still a contraindication for those who have latex allergies; and its also only in one of the two meningococcal vaccines, so its not like you’re totally screwed with a latex allergy. My teacher said she had not idea (duh, she’s an infectious disease specialist, not a vaccine manufacturer, haha). And this girl, persists and says “but why would they do that when latex allergies are so common!?”
Anaphylactic latex reactions occur in under 1% of the population (although up to 7% more have some sort of other latex allergy that is more of a contact irritation or non-life-threatening rash), so really they’re not common at all. But she herself has some sort of latex allergy (I don’t believe its life-threatening but the rash type).
Why do people perceive their risk to be so much worse when they know the numbers? As one of my professors put it, a risk could be incredibly rare, but when it happens to you, that 0.01% chance turns into a 100% chance. That’s something I’m learning to be more compassionate about. It doesn’t matter how much you beat numbers into someone’s skull, a miniscule risk is massive when it happens to them.
I guess this idea sort of hit home for me last night for not even a good reason. But I was talking to Bee about kids (distant future), and how he worries because I’m a small lady that I would die in childbirth. And I was like “omg NOBODY dies in childbirth anymore! You are so funny!” And then my friend was like “hey this lady online who was due to have her kid in October died in childbirth” and I was like WHAT!?
So I haunt her. It was her second kid, she looked very fit and healthy. She was not old, and she had the kid in a hospital. I don’t know what exactly happened, but she had her kid, was all epidural’d up holding her newborn son, and within a few hours, she had died from blood pressure complications. I suspect, with what tiny information I had, that maybe she bleed out, ran out of clotting factors, or maybe her blood pressure dropped from the epi (but that’s sort of unlikely to be so severe since they often have you hooked up to an IV for fluids). I don’t really know what happened and I’d be interested to find out.
But anyways, they have this website they updated with baby stuff while she was preggo, and she and her husband updated it. It is so incredibly tragic and terrible seeing his responses, even though his notes were not melodramatic at all. I just can’t even imagine going through that. It almost makes having kids not even worth the risk of leaving your husband and kids alone. I mean at least her husband has two boys to take care of, but seriously. That crap is awful.
Even though I keep telling myself that the risks are very low, they seem so high when you know a person it happened to. It was kind of a shock. When you see rare odds, you think “oh that never happens” but it does sometimes.
Anyways what else is new. I think I’m getting sick. Maybe a sinus infection, maybe the cold. No fever (yet?) so its probably not swine flu, but I’ll keep an eye on it. I really didn’t want to wake up today.
I also dropped out of trying to fundraise for the marathon because I didn’t get one donation, and I have only a few months to raise about $2,000 and I can’t afford to cover that if I had to. So I plan to still run the marathon, I’ll just have to fork over the $100+ to run in it. We’ll see.
Fertility awareness is going well. My cycle this month seems to be more normal, which is good. I really don’t miss birth control. I am breaking out a lot less than I expected.
School is good times. I feel like I’m doing well this semester, knock on wood. I hope so. Until next time!
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